Ryan's kindergarten zoo report

Each year the kindergarten students do their very first report. It is on their favorite zoo animal. Ryan chose the turtle. He LOVED doing the report, he did much of it in one day. He loved that we could look for information on the internet about turtles. He discovered where they live, what they eat, how long they live. He enjoyed drawing turtle pictures and writing the turtle facts. He kept saying how fun reports are and how much he 'loved' doing it!

BUT THEN he realized this assignment was a oral report. In front of his entire kindergarten class. With all eyes looking at him. And he would have nothing to do with it. So, I brought the finished report in a few days early so he might feel comfortable casually talking to his teacher about it during the days leading up to the presentation. I also met with his speech teacher (whom I love) about the possibility of Ryan giving his presentation to her or to the kids he attends speech with since it is a smaller group than his entire class. She was all on board and helpful. Regardless of everything he still would not give his report but he did stand there by the teacher as she held the poster board. She talked about his pictures and I wasn't there but I'd like to think he smiled.

This report was given last month and still he will not talk when called upon to answer a question. He will sit on the rug and chat away to his friend Julie but when his teacher asks even a simple question that we all know he knows the answer too, he will not answer. I know he loves and feels safe with his teacher but I'm not sure how he's feeling about himself. Part of me thinks he is a perfectionist and is afraid to answer since there is a chance he may be wrong and he does not want to take that chance.

Recently the teacher sent home the order form for kindergarten graduation caps, asking everyone to send in $7.50. I sent it back stating that we would not be ordering one because I didn't think Ryan would wear it. He has already expressed to me that he only knows one of the five songs that they are singing for the ceremony and is not wanting to participate. Singing is something that really sends him into sensory overload. After talking to the teacher I went ahead and sent in the money for the cap. I'm still not sure why. I guess because I don't want him to be the only one not to have one by the slight chance that he may wear it. (I'm not sure if I'm crazy or hopeful or crazy for being hopeful) James needed to remind me about Chase's kindergarten graduation. He lasted maybe five seconds. He walked into the room with his class, saw all the people and immediately ran away. Regardless if I take away opportunities for growth how can growth occur?

I need to remind myself that I was extremely shy when I was younger. I don't think I took my coat off my entire kindergarten year. I remember clinging to my kindergarten teacher on a daily basis. I need to remember that compared to me at that age, Ryan is doing amazingly well. I need to remind myself that Ryan will talk when he wants too. My mother's heart aches for him to have courage to show the world (or even just his kindergarten peers) how I see him. As an amazing, caring, intelligent, funny, sweet little boy. Deep down, I have an understanding that he will express himself in his own time and in his own way and when all is said and done I'm o.k. with that too. Sunday night we had dinner with friends and in the conversation I mentioned how my family refers to my 'Virgo tendencies' - things we've laughed out for years about my small habits or things that drive me crazy and James made a good point - your family calls them 'virgo' characteristics but really they are sensory issues. Ya' know, I'm sure he's right - don't we all have them!